Tag Archives: language

Books I ought to finish reading

Just for fun, here’s a list of them. As it happens, they’re also books I want to finish reading but keep forgetting to, or doing something else instead. In no partcular order (actually, the order in the pile):

Books to finish

  • Miles Kington, How Shall I Tell The Dog?
  • Oliver Sacks, Musicophilia: tales of music and the brain
  • Stephen Fry, The Book of General Ignorance
  • Stephen Fry, The Book of Animal Ignorance
  • Steven Mithen, The Singing Neanderthals: the origins of music, language, mind and body
  • Robin Dunbar, The Trouble with Science
  • Seth Lloyd, Programming the Universe: a quantum computer scientist takes on the cosmos
  • John D Barrow, Impossibility: the limits of science and the science of limits
  • Rodney Huddleston, English Grammar: an outline
  • Barry Green, The Inner Game of Music
  • Andrew George (trans.), The Epic of Gilgamesh
  • Eknath Eswaran (trans.), The Upanishads
  • Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry’s Incomplete and Utter History of Music
  • Roger McGough, Collected Poems

Some of those are books I’ve started, some I’m half way through, some I’ve nearly finished . . . and maybe some aren’t exactly for finishing, since really they’re for dipping into.

Actually, one of the most interesting of those is also one of the most demanding to read: the grammar book. It’s not, as you might imagine, a guide on how to write; it’s a very concentrated analysis of how English grammar works, and I see that on the next page I have a section which starts

Constructions involving a non-finite as complement of the predicator exhibit a great deal of diversity and complexity; they present formidable problems for the analyst—and it is not surprising that widely varying accounts are to be found in the literature. One problem is this. The prototypical complement is an NP, which is why we speak of the occurrence of non-finites in complement function as involving nominalisation.

All of which does in fact make sense, but it’s not the kind of material that effortlessly goes into the brain, especially if it’s a few months since you were last reading the book and need to remind yourself what a predicator is and what is or isn’t being nominalised, i.e. being treated like a noun. Let’s just say that once we start looking at how English grammar actually works, it makes languages like German with nice, rigid, clearly-defined rules start to look a lot more straightforward than English.

Maybe I’ll focus instead on the Miles Kington book, which has stuff like this coming up (see, I can’t help reading ahead):

Dear Gill,

People are making a lot of money out of self-help books these days, and I would like you to be one of those people.

By helping to promote my new self-help book.

Which would be about self-pity.

Did you notice in my first letter that I referred to the jumble of self-pitying thoughts I first had when I was diagnosed with cancer?

My immediate response was to be apologetic for this stance, because we are always taught not to be sorry for ourselves, as if there were something dreadfully feeble about it. There are no nice words in English at all for ‘self-pity’. There are lots of disapproving ones. Whingeing, sulking, moping, etc., etc.

(Personally, I think we are entitled to indulge in a little self-pity when we are told we have cancer, as long as we disguise it as something else. Shock, a nervous breakdown, long sobbing fits. Something like that.)

But self-pity is so common that it earns no respect at all, only disapproval, as in phrases like: ‘Sitting around all day feeling sorry for herself,’ or ‘You’d think he was the only one who had ever had leukaemia.’ Which quickly leads to phrases like: ‘Why doesn’t she just pull herself together?’ and ‘Cheer up dear—it’s only bi-polar disorder!’

My brilliant idea would be to turn it all round and treat self-pity as a potentially positive force.

This certainly seems to be a brilliant book, from the 40% or so that I’ve read in its intended order. Miles Kington wrote it in the last months of his life, when he knew that he did in fact have cancer and might well die from it. It takes the form of supposed letters to his literary agent about ideas for books he might write about the situation, but is really a humorous but heartfelt look at attitudes encountered and so on. Very entertaining, but also thought-provoking.

But that’s just one list of books. Here’s another:

Books to start

The main reason I haven’t started the books in this list is that I don’t have them. They’ve been recommended, or mentioned, by other people:

  • Paul Davies, About Time
  • [I don’t know the author], The Universe is a Green Dragon
  • Peter Bernstein, Against the Gods: the remarkable story of risk
  • Daniel M Wegner, The Illusion of Conscious Will

Now that’s a much shorter list, but I’ve a nasty feeling that’s simply because of having forgotten to make a note of them all . . . Oh dear. I wonder what’s missing . . .

Why is Twitter so confusing?

If you’re a Twitter user, you can’t have helped noticing a rash of articles and media coverage of Twitter recently. You probably also decided very quickly that at least 80% of the coverage [1] is written by people who haven’t even a rudimentary understanding of what Twitter really is and how it’s used.

The usual content of one of these articles is:

  • Twitter is suddenly very popular and everyone’s writing about it.
  • This is what they’re saying: [Insert scathingly negative quote from a similar article.]
  • The purpose of Twitter is for people to post 140-character messages about what they’re doing.
  • So it’s like a blog where all you can blog about is tedious minutiae of your life.
  • Nobody’s interested in reading that sort of blog.
  • Therefore it’s pointless.

And there typically follows either a rant about shortened attention spans, reality TV, the decline in intelligent conversation and so on, or some very puzzled thoughts about what on earth people get out of it and why.

If you’re not a Twitter user, you’ve probably encountered a fair number of articles like that by now and become equally puzzled.

As a user, I’ve sometimes been tempted be puzzled about where the confusion and ignorance comes from. Actually the source isn’t hard to find. More of that later. For now, let’s look at what Twitter actually is. Not what the articles say it is; not what Twitter describes itself as; but what it really is.

What Twitter is

Twitter is a setup where you can

  • post short, publicly viewable messages, which remain available indefinitely. [2]
  • view a feed of the publicly viewable messages from a selection of other users, together with your own, with the most recent at the top. You choose whose to see.
  • address a publicly viewable message to a specific user.
  • view a feed showing the publicly viewable messages which have been addressed to you. These can be from anyone, not just people you’ve chosen for your main feed.
  • Send a private message to another user.
  • View the private messages sent to you.

There are other options too, such as searching the public messages for a particular phrase, viewing those from a specific user on their “profile” page, and viewing a snapshot of all the messages being posted at a particular moment. And there’s a widely-used unofficial system (“hashtags”) for labelling a public message by subject. But as far as the basics go, that’s it.

Also, rather importantly, you can do all this in a number of ways:

  • at the official website, http://twitter.com (not recommended, though you need to go there to sign up)
  • at the official mobile site, http://m.twitter.com/ (also not recommended, except for VERY basic use)
  • at other “client” websites, such as http://dabr.co.uk/ (highly recommended, especially for mobile phones: see my review)
  • by using various computer or phone applications, which often add functions not found on the official site
  • by sending and reaceiving SMS messages (for some functions, in some countries)
  • by Instant Messaging (I think).

So, what do we have? We have something like a speeded-up bulletin board or newsgroup, where posts can only be 140 characters long and you choose whose to see. Or a slowed-down chatroom where you can say 140 characters at a time and are heard only by the people who’ve chosen to be within earshot. Another user described it as “being a fly on the wall of 20 different conversations”.

You can of course choose to be the person in the chatroom who only speaks and never listens or replies to anyone; that would make it a bit like a blog of 140-character posts. But I, for one, probably won’t take much notice of you, because I enjoy the interaction. Like the people writing the articles, I mostly won’t see the point.

And there you have it. The basic idea of Twitter is actually very simple. A place for posting short messages, and a variety of ways of viewing them and responding to them. And not much like what the articles describe at all. Really, there are as many uses for Twitter as there are for a 140-character message.

So far I’ve carefully avoided using any of the official terms Twitter describes itself with. You’ll see why in a moment.

Why the confusion then?

How can something so simple cause so much confusion? I think there are three main sources for it:

  • The way Twitter describes itself.
  • The lack of any coherent introduction to the site when you sign up.
  • The impossibility of understanding Twitter from the outside.
Twitter’s self-description

When you first visit http://twitter.com/, you are told

Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?

Well, that’s not true for a start. The messages—tweets— can be as frequent or as infrequent as you like. They can be about anything you like. Over 80% of mine are replies to other users. Only a tiny handful answer What are you doing? If my tweets answer anything, it’s What do you want to say? Yet, virtually all the articles quote What are you doing? to sum up what Twitter is for and why it’s not worth bothering with. Hardly surprising: the writers probably assume that Twitter’s description of what it’s for does in fact describe what it’s for.

Once signed up, you post a tweet by typing in a box which has What are you doing? above and an Update button below. Because, you see, in their terminology you’re not “posting a message”: you’re “updating your status”. So, public messages are officially called updates or statuses, even though you’re normally not updating anything or talking about your “status” (and anwyay, shouldn’t status mean your standing in the community, not a piece of text?)

The Update button confused me at first: I thought it was for refreshing the screen (updating the view) and optionally posting some text.

Next, it turns out that a tweet addressed to another person (by putting @ and their username at the start) is known as an “@reply”. Except that very often, it’s not a reply at all: it could equally well be “How are you today?” or a piece of news you want to tell them.

Furthermore, the various message feeds are not called feeds, but given the rather grand name of timelines, as though their primary purpose were to tell you the dates and times of events, or maybe the route you’ve taken through the site. But it isn’t: they’re there to let you view various different collections of tweets. They’re actually views or feeds.

In other words,

  • What are you doing? is entirely the wrong question
  • the update button isn’t for updating anything
  • a status doesn’t represent the status of anything
  • an @reply doesn’t necessarily reply to anything
  • a timeline hasn’t really got anything to do with times
  • Twitter’s description on its front page is almost completely misleading

Is it any wonder people get confused?

And one of the most depressing things to see on Twitter is a series of dutiful What are you doing? answers similar to this:

Signing up for Twitter! Everyone says I should. Excited!
Getting confused. Now what? Help!
Eating dinner. Still puzzled.
Going shopping. Why would anyone want to know that? Very puzzled now.
Thinking Twitter probably doesn’t have any point to it. Is anyone reading this? How would I know? Hello if you’re out there!
Giving up on Twitter.

Lack of help

[Note: Twitter’s sign-up process is now somewhat different from what I describe here and it sounds as though things may have improved a little; see Stuart’s comment.]

Clearly, for Twitter to have any point, you need some tweets to read and you need some people reading yours. You need to be able to interact.

You make a person’s tweets visible on your home page (NB: this is different from your profile page) by following them. Your tweets show on their home page when they follow you. Twitter doesn’t tell you this: you simply end up on a home page which contains no tweets. None from you, because you’ve not tweeted yet, and none from anyone else, because you’re not following anyone yet. I think this is the stage at which a new user feels most completely at sea. Quite understandably: all they’ve got is a more or less blank page and the question What are you doing?, which is no help at all.

Initially, having people to follow is far more important than having people follow you. It gives you a starting point. You don’t really find followers by sitting there being lost. Generally, you find followers by following them first and having something interesting to say; they then see you in their follower lists and come to investigate who you are, so as to decide whether to follow you too.

What Twitter ought to do at this point is to give you a message along the lines

You aren’t following anybody yet, so you won’t see any tweets except your own. Here are some ways to find interesting people:

  • Visit the public timeline to watch for interesting tweets
  • Search for users near you
  • Search for users whose profile mentions a particular subject
  • Search for tweets mentioning a particular subject
  • View the friends list of a particular user
  • Find new contacts using Mr Tweet
  • Import contacts from your address book

with links you can then click to follow up the suggestions. Sadly, Twitter doesn’t do that. It leaves you floundering on your own.

And if you want suggestions on how to find people to follow—well, they’re in that list. Once you find someone interesting you can reply to one of their tweets, or simply quietly follow them until they say something you want to answer, and you’re away.

One exception to this though: if the person you find is famous, or has thousands of followers already, or has social media expert in their profile, it’s unlikely you’ll get a reply from them. (Unless it’s @kriscolvin, who has acquired over 19,000 20,000 21,000 followers largely by being friendly and replying to people. [3]) You’re mostly best talking to people who have a sensible number of followers and who show signs of replying to people (e.g. ther profile page contains a lot of tweets starting with @).

Incomprehensibility from outside

Twitter only really makes sense once you’re following and interacting with a number of people. If you’ve not joined up, you can’t see this happening. [4] All you can really do is visit the public timeline—a cacophony of unrelated tweets from thousands of users—or visit profile pages like mine where you’ll see one person’s tweets but not the people they’re addressed to. (If WordPress’ Twitter widget is working properly, mine are in the sidebar of this page.) Either way, you don’t see Twitter as it actually is. The views you can access aren’t the one a user sees most of the time, but ones they only use occasionally. They might visit someone’s profile page for reference or to catch up on missed tweets, or visit the public timeline as a way of finding random people. But the views that make sense are your home page, filled with tweets from people you’ve decided to follow, and your replies page, filled with tweets from people who are talking to you.

Summing up

Maybe I’m overdoing the bullet lists in this post, but here’s another one anyway.

  • Is it any wonder that Twitter confuses people? No.
  • Does Twitter need to confuse people? No.
  • Has Twitter done anything to make itself less confusing? No.
  • Does Twitter care about the confusion? I don’t know, but fear the answer to that may also be No.

I think this is a great shame, because the changes that would make Twitter seem as simple as it really is are fairly straighforward:

  • use language that reflects what Twitter really is
  • drop the misleading question What are you doing?
  • give new users a little bit of meaningful help in getting started.

I honestly think that’s all that’s needed, but sadly I see no sign of it happening.

Another article to read

I’m not too keen on autopneumotrombics so I thought a while before linking to this article which says very nice things about my own. But you may wish to read it. In it, Nancy Friedman takes up some of my my thoughts here and develops them further—particularly Twitter’s misleading opening greeting and the fact that people stick with Twitter anyway for what it is. She also picks up a few additional language points which I missed.

Notes

[1] A wild guess. It’s a lot, anyway. Back

[2] Theoretically. Back

[3] 19,000 was corrrect when I first posted this three days ago. Now, 20,000 21,000 is correct . . . Back

[4] Unless you’re in the know about applications like Tweetgrid; but you won’t be unless you’re already familiar with Twitter. Back

Why are seconds called seconds?

Minute minutes?

I still have a few snatches of memory from childhood about learning to tell the time, and learning how it was divided up. In particular I remember when I first learnt how long a second actually was (considerably longer than I expected) and that there were sixty of them in a minute.

I also learnt that minute wasn’t spelt minnit or anything like that. And I already knew that minute meant “very small”, which seemed odd, since really it was the seconds that were small, not the minutes. And I half-remember thinking it was strange that minutes weren’t called firsts. Why not?

I didn’t know, but it was fun that the words were like that. Evidently I’ve been interested in language for a very long time.

A prime example

In my teens, I got interested in reading popular mathematics books, such as Martin Gardner’s collections from his “Mathematical Diversions” page in Scientific American. (That started quite early too: I remember being excited in my last year at junior school, which translates as age 10, when our class teacher got us to make flexagons. These are like a sort of hexagonal origami conjuring trick which make an appearance in one of his books. I think the one we made was the hexahexaflexagon. Sadly if I tell you about them now it’ll be too much of a digression from this post.)

Sometimes in maths you’ve been using a symbol—say the letter a—to represent something, then find yourself wanting to represent a similar-but-different thing. One traditional way is to simply add a little mark to the symbol: a becomes a′, then maybe a′′ and so on.

From the popular maths books I learnt, somewhat to my surprise, that whereas at school we very logically called these symbols a-dashed and a-double-dashed, having added little dashes to them, the American books called them by the rather strange names a-prime and a-double-prime. What a strange word. How had they been primed? They didn’t have anything to do with prime numbers. How odd.

A degree of confusion

And there was another intriguing thing: when I learnt geometry—specifically, angles—it was apparent that it wasn’t just hours which were divided up into minutes and seconds: degrees were, too. Which was interesting, but the notation was puzzling: 33 degrees, 12 minutes and 3 seconds was written 33° 12′ 3′′ .

“How confusing!” I thought, “Surely 12′ 3′′ means 12 feet and 3 inches? It’s bad enough making them sound like times without also making them look like distances!

So what on earth is going on?

These questions niggled me for years, because although they were intriguing I never quite got round to looking them up.

The revelation

The answer appeared out of the blue about a year ago, and everything fell into place. Very neatly and satisfyingly. (Except it would be more satisfying if a foot had sixty inches in, but never mind.)

Thirty years or so after first wondering about minutes and seconds, I was reading a fascinating book about early mathematics. [1] Among other things it talked about the Babylonians who, as you probably know, were the ones who divided a day into 24 hours, an hour into 60 minutes and a minute into 60 seconds. In fact, they did all their calculations in base 60. (By the way, they were able to solve quadratic equations in 1700 BC, knew Pythagoras’ Theorem many centuries before Pythagoras even lived, and were able to calculate square roots so as to use it).

The Babylonians were the only people who had a decent system for representing fractions. For us, 1:23:45 means an hour, 23 minutes and 45 seconds; for them, the equivalent in their writing meant the number 1, plus 23 sixtieths, plus 45 sixtieths of sixtieths, and they’d have happily gone on adding smaller and smaller divisions, like we do with our decimal places.

The astronomer Ptolemy also featured in the book. He used some ingenious geometry to work out a trigonometry table in half-degree steps. [2] In his introduction he commented that by far the best system for representing fractions was the Babylonian one and that he’d therefore adopted it.

And now comes the Great Revelation. Ptolemy himself wrote in Greek, but once maths like his started appearing in Latin, what did people call their fractions of a degree? The answer turns out to be:

  • “the first small part”: pars minuta prima
  • “the second small part”: pars minuta secunda!

Look at that for a moment. Isn’t it beautiful? All my questions answered in those two short phrases. It’s obvious, but let’s spell it out anyway, and enjoy it all making sense:

  • A minute of time is the first small part, or  pars minuta prima, of an hour.
  • A minute of arc  is the first small part, or  pars minuta prima, of a degree.
  • A second of time is the second small part, or pars minuta secunda, of an hour.
  • A second of arc  is the second small part, or pars minuta secunda, of a degree.
  • The little mark you use for marking a minute—a pars minuta prima—is called a prime.
  • To mark a second [small part] you use two of them: ′′.  Presumably if we used sixtieths of seconds, we’d call them thirds and mark them ′′′.
  • Feet and inches are also first and second small parts of something, so they too get labelled with ′ and ′′.

So all those years ago, I was right. Minutes are “minute”. Seconds do come second! Minutes were called “firsts”, but in Latin.

In a way it’s a shame about the feet and inches, because they don’t quite fit the scheme. An inch isn’t a sixtieth of a foot. On the other hand, isn’t a fathom five feet (sixty inches)? or is it six? I can’t remember.

So I don’t quite know about the feet and inches. But I was stunned when I came across those two short phrases which made everything else fall into place. Isn’t language amazing?

Notes

[1] Asger Aaboe, Episodes from the Early History of Mathematics, Cambridge University Press, 1997. Back
[2] In our terms, what he calculated was twice the sine of half a given angle. Back

To unashamedly split infinitives

Warning: You probably need to be a language enthusiast to enjoy this article. But I’m hoping you are one!

“Superstitions”

I expect you’ve heard of Fowler. I mean H W Fowler’s Modern English Usage, the standard reference book for grammar questions, first published in 1926. Besides being authoritative, it was quite entertainingly written. The edition I own is the 1996 one, edited by R W Burchfield.

And here is an entertaining entry I happen to passionately agree with:

superstitions. Among the most enduring of the superstitions or myths about our language are these: sentences should not begin with and or but; sentences should not end with a preposition; and infinitives should not be ‘split’. For further examples of such beliefs, see FETISHES.

A certain kind of person makes a virtue out of picking up such “errors”. If they hear one on the radio, or read it in a piece of serious writing, they will protest–maybe even to the extent of writing to Feedback or the publisher. They will take a delight in “correcting” the “offender”. (Ironically, publishers will avoid using such a person as a proofreader or editor: an important skill is the ability to know when not to change things. Even more ironically, the person will usually object to the use of hopefully in the way in which I’ve just used ironically, as a “sentence adverb”.)

They wouldn’t like the sentence I used just now to introduce the quotation. It started with and, split the infinitive to agree, and ended with the preposition with, thereby breaking all three “rules”.

But to be honest, I don’t like happen passionately to agree. It feels clumsy; I can’t “happen passionately”; it feels awkward breaking up happen to by sticking passionately in the middle of it; splitting passionately agree by inserting to feels uncomfortable too. The rules they want me to use when writing aren’t the ones my brain uses when reading. Here, then, is an entertaining entry with which I happen passionately to agree . . . That’s simply too formal and pedantic in style for a piece of writing like this. It’s also longer, because of having to include which.

Take another example. Some people insist that none is always singular, so that you must never say none of them are, only none of them is. (This is the same, I think, as assuming that none can only mean not one, never not any.) Fowler says this:

none. It is a mistake to suppose that the pronoun is singular only and must at all costs be followed by singular verbs or pronouns. It should be borne in mind that none is not a shortening of no one but is the regular descendent of OE [1] nan ‘none, not one’. At all times since the reign of King Alfred the choice of plural or singular in the accompanying verbs, etc. has been governed by the surrounding words or by the nominal sense.

I’ll go with King Alfred, then.

Good grammar or rigid grammar?

What is “correct” grammar for?

Let’s ask the more basic question: what is language for? It’s for communication. English is good when it clearly communicates what it means to, and bad when it doesn’t. Communication is helped if words mean the same thing to the speaker as to the listener, or to the writer as the reader; similarly it’s helpful to have grammatical constructions which unambiguously mean the same to both parties. Good grammar is grammar which achieves that.

Most linguisticians [2] these days see grammatical rules not as prescriptions for correctness, imposed by some authority, but as descriptions of how the language normally works. They exist because conventions have evolved about what the different constructions mean. These have become more or less “standardised”. Why are they there? To enable clear communication. How did they arise? They evolved that way, through usage. They didn’t arise from someone deciding what was or was not “correct”, but from experience of what worked and what didn’t. Language is a continuous experiment.

Rules for their own sake are also, it seems to me, rather a blunt instrument. A nice feature of English is its ability to express many fine shades of meaning. I think this comes partly from its huge vocabulary, and partly from its flexible word order. That’s one of the things I most love about it.

So I get upset when people mechanically impose rules like these; they actually lose the fine distinctions. To my ears the supposedly incorrect phrase often has a slightly different meaning from the “correct” one. The actual “correct version” is the one which most accurately represents the intended meaning.

A small audience

Here’s an example. I was startled by an acquaintance’s responce to my question: “Has it ever occurred to you that It was a small audience and They were a small audience mean completely different things?” “No,” she said, “Audience is singular, so it can only be It was. They were is wrong. I was married to an English teacher for twenty-five years, so I know these things.”

My protestations that Fowler didn’t agree got me nowhere. And she didn’t see the mental image that amused me, either . . .

Can you see it? Let me add a few words:

  1. It was a very small audience: there were only five people in it.
  2. They were a very small audience: not one of them was over a foot tall.

Clearly [3] a small audience of a few humans is more likely than a small audience of hundreds of tiny humanoids, but it was small and they were small mean quite distinct things.

You might still be feeling uncomfortable about this. Actually there is a slight problem with the second sentence, but not the one she was complaining about. In one case it’s the audience which is small, and in the other it’s they who are small, but I use small audience both times. And so the two situations are actually

  1. The audience was very small.
  2. The audience were very small.

Shades of meaning

Here is a more fun example, involving a split infinitive. I’m not sure why this is the sentence which came to mind when I first thought about this, but it was! Consider the rebuke:

  • You don’t need to suddenly start jumping out at people.

Our friendly pedant would say that to suddenly start is wrong, and that it should be suddenly to start. But I think this either changes the meaning or makes it ambiguous, as you’ll see in a moment.

Let’s be thorough about this. Let’s try putting suddenly in all places where the sentence will let it go. Just for the hell of it. Let’s see what happens.

  1. Suddenly you don’t need to start jumping out at people.
  2. You suddenly don’t need to start jumping out at people.
  3. You don’t suddenly need to start jumping out at people.
  4. You don’t need suddenly to start jumping out at people.
  5. You don’t need to suddenly start jumping out at people.
  6. You don’t need to start suddenly jumping out at people.
  7. You don’t need to start jumping out suddenly at people.
  8. You don’t need to start jumping out at people suddenly.

I’ve not included jumping suddenly out because it seems to me to stretch things further than they will really go, and I’ve not included at suddenly people because it’s too ungrammatical to make any sense.

Each placing gives a different meaning, a different range of meanings, or a slightly different emphasis. Some of the differences quite subtle and hard to describe, but I’ll have a go.

  1. Suddenly you don’t need to start jumping out at people.
  2. You suddenly don’t need to start jumping out at people.

These both mean almost the same thing, but with different emphasis. In (1) the situation suddenly changes into one in which starting to jump out at people is no longer required. In (2), you suddenly change, into a person who no longer feels the need to start jumping out at people.

  1. You don’t suddenly need to start jumping out at people.
  2. You don’t need suddenly to start jumping out at people.
  3. You don’t need to suddenly start jumping out at people.

The first and last of these are unambiguous. In (3), the sentence is disagreeing with your claim that although you once didn’t need to start jumping out at people, now you suddenly do. It refers to a sudden change in need. In (5), the infinitive-splitting version, you weren’t jumping out at people in the past, but have suddenly begun to do so. The reference this time is to a sudden change of behaviour.

(4) though, need suddenly to start, is ambiguous, even though it is the supposedly correct version, which our friendly pedant would want. We can read it as “need suddenly” or “suddenly start”. I myself find it easier to read as “need suddenly”, so the meaning of the “corrected” version is different from that of the original.

  1. You don’t need to start suddenly jumping out at people.
  2. You don’t need to start jumping out suddenly at people.
  3. You don’t need to start jumping out at people suddenly.

At first sight, these all mean the same thing: you weren’t jumping out at people; you are just starting, or about to start, to behave that way; you don’t need to make that change.

But if I weigh them carefully, each seems to me to have a different emphasis. As I hear it, (6) seems either to treat suddenly jumping out as a single unit, complaining about the action as a whole, or to emphasise jumping out more than suddenly. In (7), on the other hand, jumping out suddenly seems to emphasise suddenly as well, and there are now two complaints: “You don’t need to start jumping out at people, and what’s even worse, doing it suddenly so they all have heart attacks”.

(8), jumping out at people suddenly, emphasises suddenly even more, and the sentence is now definitely ambiguous. It can either be the same kind of meaning I’ve just described for jumping out suddenly at people, or a new one which is approximately “I know you like jumping out at people, and we’re all used to it, but there’s no need to start being sudden about it”. Presumably you previously issued some kind of warning first, or did it in a very predictable way.

In each case, we’re talking about sudden jumping. The most natural place for suddenly is immediately before jumping. Putting it after instead of before emphasises it; putting it even later emphasises it even more.

What split infinitives are for

Back to our split infinitive: to suddenly start. What does it do? It acts as a sort of “container”. Anything which is between to and start can only refer to start. It’s a remarkably strong container: however far away we move the to, the result is unambiguous. In fact it’s even possible to carefully, so as to visibly make my point, place one split infinitive inside another. The preceding sentence did just that.

On the other hand, look what happened when we moved suddenly . . . start apart:

  • don’t need to suddenly start: unambiguous
  • don’t need suddenly to start: awkward and now ambiguous
  • don’t suddenly need to start: unambiguous but a different meaning
  • suddenly don’t need to start: yet another different meaning.

The adverb suddenly seems to attach itself to any likely-looking verb in the vicinity, producing lots of different meanings. The split infinitive keeps it under control, unambiguously attached to start.

Interestingly the author of a book I have on computer programming seems to have adopted a policy of always splitting infinitives. Once I noticed, I couldn’t find a single instance where he’d avoided it. I suspect this was because he wanted to avoid any hint of ambiguity at all, since programming needs complete precision.

So I’m unhappy about the split infinitive “rule”. I think Fowler was right to describe it as a “superstition”. I think a much more valid rule would be: don’t separate an adverb (e.g. suddenly) from its verb (e.g. start) any further than is absolutely necessary.

Why does the “rule” persist? I suspect it might be because

  • once you’ve learnt it, it’s an easy rule to remember
  • in any instance, it’s totally clear whether the rule has been applied or not
  • people learnt it at school when they were young, and simply accepted what they were taught
  • finding mistakes in written English is fun.

In my opinion the split infinitive “rule” is cultural, not linguistic, and it’s one we could well do without. I wish English teachers would refrain from teaching it to their pupils. It’s more important that they can recognise and avoid ambiguity, and the “rule” is a hindrance to that. Ambiguity and clarity is actually more interesting as well, since there’s lots of scope for fun examples of sentences which have gone wrong. The kinds of sentence, in fact, which gets sent in to The News Quiz or Have I Got News For You.

Notes

[1] Old English. Back
[2] People who study linguistics—as distinct from linguists, who learn languages. Someone who speaks eight languages fluently is a linguist; someone who is an expert on the way children learn to talk, or the way dialects evolve over time, is a linguistician. Back
[3] Another “sentence adverb”, as Fowler calls them.Back

Plutonymics

An exercise in astrolexicography

Plutoids and plutinos . . .

When the former planet Pluto was demoted to the status of “dwarf planet” fairly recently, two new words were defined by the International Astronomical Union: plutoid and plutino. If you ask me, these would be damn good words whatever they meant: they belong to that group of words which seem to exist as much because they’re fun to say as because they’re needed.

Several weeks ago one of my contacts on Twitter, @Exoplanetology, came up with the word exoplutoid, meaning a plutoid in a planetary system other than our own.

Should you wish to know, a plutino is an object which, like Pluto, orbits the Sun twice for every three orbits made by Neptune. (This is called a 2:3 resonance, and the object remains trapped in that orbit.) A plutoid, roughly speaking, is simply a dwarf planet which orbits the Sun further out than Neptune does.

I suppose an exoplutoid might be a dwarf planet in another star system, further from its star than the last convincing planet.

Nice words. Are there more?

Plutonyms in the dictionary

Let’s proceed with caution. A look at the dictionary reveals that a number of pluto- words already exist. Furthermore, not all of them are anything to do with Pluto. Plutocrats, being plutocratic in a plutocracy, get their name from the Greek word ploutos, which means wealth.

In geology, plutonic relates to rocks which have solidified from a molten state at the fiery depths associated with the god Pluto and his underworld, and a pluton is a “body of instrusive igneous rock”. Geology also uses the word plutonism in this connection.

In chemistry, the element plutonium has nothing to do with plutonism; the elements uranium, neptunium and plutonium take their names (rather nicely) from Uranus, and Neptune and Pluto, which were all planets at the time.

Plutogenous neologisms

Given the existence of all these words already, are we to conclude that Pluto has contributed all it can to the English language? I think not!

There are still plenty of Pluto-related situation requiring words. Some of the situations are more “serious” than others. But all need words, and it is my pleasure to present them to you. They are grouped by function rather than alphabetically. Use and enjoy.

plutaceous:
similar in material or structure to Pluto.
exoplutoid, exoplutino:
a body in another planetary system analogous to a plutoid or plutino in ours.
plutogenous:
originating from, or generated or caused by, Pluto and its status. For example, plutogenous fisticuffs might result from a heated discussion about its classification. See plutonym, below.
plutectomy:
removal of Pluto or a Pluto-like object, e.g. from a list of recognised planets or (as a more advanced engineering project) from a planetery system
plutogenic:
relating to the creation of Pluto-like objects, i.e. to plutogenesis.

plutonym:
a word created with reference to Pluto and its status; that is, one which enters the language as a plutogenous neologism.
plutonymics:
the study of plutonyms.
plutolexicography:
the creation of a dictionary or glossary of plutonyms
plutamnesia:
an inability to remember what Pluto is officially classified as these days.
plutamnesic:
suffering from or relating to plutamnesia.
plutamnesiac:
someone who suffers from plutamnesia.
paraplutosis:
1. condition of accidentally using the wrong plutonym, e.g. calling a plutoid a plutino or describing plutogenous situation as plutogenic. The corresponding adjective is paraplutotic.
2. erroneous identification of an object as Pluto.

Got any more? Post them here and I’ll do the plutolexicographer’s job of gathering them together, time and energy permitting. Especially if they’re good.